Week Three: You be the Judge. Date Report

Week 3, Date 1. “No” I say. “You can’t come over just to give me a hug. That seems crazy.” I’m just headed out the door to my friend’s birthday party. I thought our date four days ago had gone fairly well. He has a very calm presence, is very positive about his job (and most other things we talked about), and kept me amused with stories of his past employment. He has a kid, and is as involved in his child’s life as his ex-wife will let him be. But I should have been paying more attention when he asked “how often can I see you?” Ever since he asked for my phone number, he’s been calling every single day.

But how does he compare to my list… let’s see.
Wants kids. Yup. He wants 10. I’m not entirely convinced he’s emotionally available – he talked about his ex a lot. But he does make me laugh, and has strong ethics about treating people right and raising his kid. In our latest phone conversation, I ask if he’s free Monday or Tuesday. He says “Monday AND Tuesday.” I respond “but I don’t even know if I like you.” “I don’t know you either.” he answers. “But at least I’m trying”. I tell him I’ll talk to him Monday, and not before.

Week 3, Date 2: Ferret Man.We go to lunch, and although he's perfectly nice, conversation is awkward, and it's clear that we are not particularly interested in each other.

Week 3, Date 3: Ultramarathoner. This whole dating thing is interfering with my social life. I’ve missed a couple of get-togethers, and it’s bugging me. So I decide that date #3 will be co-located with my friend’s b-day and six live bands. Plus, that way I’d get to see how he is around other people.

He was quieter once we started meeting my friends, but still chatted a bit, and seemed to be having a good time. And when the dancing started, he wanted to join. Bonus points for him! He also warned me beforehand that he’s a terrible dancer (true). The only awkward moment was the slow dance – I didn’t feel like looking deeply into his eyes, so I awkwardly kept him at arm’s distance. I forgot to ask him questions related to what I’m looking for in a man. Ooops! Overall, I had a good time, and I’ll definitely go out with him again.

My friend Sara (based on the Unwashed T-Shirt Smelling Experiment of 1995) says that people are most attracted to (by smell) someone genetically pretty different than themselves. Hmmm… maybe my “list” is bunk, and I should just be asking people not to put on aftershave for our dates.

Sara also points out that I should work on generating endorphins (in me and my date). That way, those good feelings will get attributed to each other, and we'll be more likely to fall in love. Rick remains sceptical, commenting that maybe it would be better if we just actually liked each other. I'm just worried about what my date will think when I try to get him to go for a jog or I run in place before dinner.

Serotonin also plays a role in love. In fact, people falling in love have serotonin levels comparable to people with pathological obsessive-compulsive-disorder. I think Date #1 has achieved this.